Treading Water and Geometry: This is my Honors Class

"A circle is the reflection of eternity. It has no beginning and it has no end - and if you put several circles over each other, then you get a spiral." - Maynard James Keenan

The themes I've noticed thus far in Tracings is that swimming and circles are incredibly important. Just as we said there are only two stories that are told (searching for an island and the crucifiction of a god), I have noticed that shapes and swimming are common themes in everyone's life.

Also, I am reading into every little thing. I have the mania. And I hate that I love it, and love that I hate it. Example: My first reaction to the quote above is to make a bad joke about circling the drain, spiraling out of control, falling into an endless abyss, yada yada.

Then the training kicks in and I immediately over analyze what I just thought:
-Why were those thoughts so dark?
-What do I mean by "abyss"?
-Am I frightened by my spiral or excited about the journey?
-Do I have a fear of drains?
-Who in the hell is afraid of drains?
-Why would I even think that?!
-What is happening?


Thank you so much, Professor. This is my life now.


But, I noticed that I'm NOTICING things that I normally wouldn't. I'm seeing things in (and sometimes) out of context and I wonder "Why?".

I've noticed that I notice things. I see things that I normally wouldn't observe, and it sparks my brain. I try to piece things together on my own without being told the solution. I try to understand what people are doing and why, without asking them. I read into what they are doing, and then wonder if I'm anywhere close to the truth or if I'm just conjecturing. I'm analyzing things that would usually pass by without a second glance.

It's exhausting. My brain is not used to this, but I am really enjoying the challenge. I sketch my surroundings so as to remember events, journaling more, and I'm even trying the mind palace thing to try and compartmentalize thoughts and facts, seeing if it actually does help memory.

I'm turning into a regular:

Minus the getting it right part.

With all of the circling and darkness that I've been focusing on, I think it's high time for me to lighten up and just observe for a while. I'm not scared of the darkness, I've just been focused on it for a while. And now I'm just going to let things happen and watch and remember and read into things and take notes and re-analyze and yes. Just that.


-A