Yesterday...

I felt like I woke up yesterday. I don't know what happened, but I feel like I was asleep for two weeks and I finally leapt out of my slumber. I don't remember getting excited about anything in the last 14 days. Which is actually really depressing for me, since I enjoy being a lively and excited person. I've been so incredibly focused on design and homework and my stress that I forgot to live. I was so tired all of the time, all I craved was a nap. I was also sick, so sleeping was the only extracurricular activity that interested me. Yesterday was different. I woke up and actually put on make up. I made it to my 8 o'clock class before my teacher. I did homework in a coffee shop for four hours. I made a playlist that keeps pumping me up for, well, everything. But I think the main thing was I reconnected with one of my high school classmates. We were never close, though we'd been in the same classes since Kindergarten. He was athletic and popular, while I an honors nerd who preferred books to people. There was never any bad blood, but we didn't run in the same circles. All of a sudden, we were talking like we'd been friends for years. He told me my honesty was refreshing and that he enjoyed my sass. This validation was an unexpected twist, a welcome compliment. I was happy to see that he'd grown up (though once a star, always a star).

I completely empathize with Nicholas's plight in "The Magus" now. Feeling listless and apathetic for two weeks was torture, and I hardly realized that I was unhappy. He was so down and bored that he sought out anything to make his life less drab. He was drifting from one day to the next and couldn't wait for a change, any change. Then along came Allison, who worked for a while, but she was a temporary fix to a very permanent problem. Greece? Sure, why not?

I'll save the longer analysis for later, but for right now, I just want to say: Damn Nick, I do not envy our life. Living without drive or passion is the absolute worst.